livin' in fast forward
to be the tortoise or the hare?
“We live in a culture full of hares; but the tortoise always wins.”
After divorce, many women fall into the "rat race"—defined by Dictionary.com as "any exhausting, unremitting, and usually competitive activity or routine, especially a pressured urban working life spent trying to get ahead with little time left for leisure, contemplation, etc."
As single mothers and newly independent women, we often fill every moment with activities, work, and commitments. We convince ourselves that staying busy helps us move forward, but this frantic pace can prevent us from healing and building meaningful relationships with our children and ourselves.
The New Status Symbol: Why We Worship Busyness After Divorce
In a Harvard Business Review article, "Beware a Culture of Busyness," Adam Waltz reminds us that, "Once upon a time, leisure was a sign of prestige. Today, that idea has been turned on its head, and busyness is the new status symbol. Busy people are considered important and impressive, and employees are rewarded for showing how 'hard' they're working. Such thinking is misguided."
For divorced women, this cultural pressure intensifies. We must prove our worth as single parents, independent women, and capable professionals simultaneously. But this exhausting pace often comes at the cost of what matters most, quality time with our children and personal healing.
photo credit Gaining Visuals @gainingvisuals
The Hidden Cost of Living in Fast Forward
When we fill our post-divorce calendars with work, activities, volunteering, and social commitments, we often overlook the sweet moments that make life truly worth living. Technology has significantly contributed to this increased pace, blurring the lines between work and personal life, particularly for single mothers who manage everything on their own.
The reality is that it has become nearly impossible to coordinate simple gatherings. Try planning a coffee date with friends or scheduling a parent-teacher conference—finding mutual availability can take weeks.
Scripture warns against idleness: "Idle hands are the devil's workshop; idle lips are his mouthpiece." (Proverbs 16:27 TLB)
photo by Zhang Kenny @kennyzhang29
However, the opposite extreme—worshiping our packed schedules—is equally dangerous. Are we idolizing busyness? Have our social commitments become our new god? Consider this: Has family time decreased as our calendars fill with activities? What about making time for prayer, Bible study, or simply being present with our children?
Learning from Mary and Martha
Jesus understood the value of being present. When visiting the sisters Mary and Martha, He taught an essential lesson about priorities:
"Now, as they went on their way, Jesus entered a village. And a woman named Martha welcomed him into her house. And she had a sister called Mary, who sat at the Lord's feet and listened to his teaching. But Martha was distracted by the many tasks of serving. And she went up to him and said, 'Lord, do you not care that my sister has left me to serve alone? Tell her then to help me.' But the Lord answered her, 'Martha, Martha, you are anxious and troubled about many things, but one thing is necessary. Mary has chosen the good portion, which will not be taken away from her." Luke 10:38-42 ESV
Many divorced women identify with Martha—wanting everything to be perfect, trying to prove that we can handle it all. But Jesus calls us to choose the "good portion," just as Mary did.
The Price of Perpetual Motion
Living in chronic stress robs us of precious moments with our children. How often are you at a school event, thinking about tomorrow's deadlines? Playing games while mentally planning dinner? This addiction to busyness steals joy from the present and prevents us from creating meaningful memories during this crucial rebuilding phase.
The stress of constant motion is particularly harmful for divorced women who are already processing emotional healing while managing increased responsibilities alone.
photo by Andy Beales @andybeales
Slow and Steady: A Different Approach to Post-Divorce Life
Remember Aesop's fable, "The Tortoise and the Hare"? The moral remains true: "slow and steady wins the race."
Our culture worships the hare's speed, but divorced women who learn to slow down—who resist FOMO (fear of missing out)—are the real winners. They understand that healing, rebuilding relationships with children, and creating a new life foundation requires intentional presence, not frantic activity.
Questions for Reflection
As you navigate this season of rebuilding:
Do you live life in fast forward, missing precious moments with your children?
Can you honestly say you're fully present, not constantly planning the next thing?
What example are you setting for your children about busyness versus being present?
What will you do today to run your race slow and steady, not missing those irreplaceable moments?
Remember: Your worth as a divorced woman isn't measured by how packed your calendar is, but by how present you are in the moments that matter most.
Bonus Tips: How to break the pattern of busyness, paraphrased from Slowing Down: 7 Ways to Find Balance in a Fast-Paced World, Adam Brady.
1. Consciously Recognize that Rushing Is a Habitual Mindset
2. Slowing down is INTENTIONAL
3. Develop a Healthy Relationship with time
4. Know when to say NO
5. Meditate
6. Break the pattern of busyness-Ground yourself by breathing. Visualize slowing down.
7. From Aesop’s Fable, REMEMBER, “slow and steady wins the race”
